thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
