I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
