Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
