So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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