I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
