At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
