Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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