May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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