she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
organizing the empties. That sober.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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