The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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