So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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