I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
home. puking in laundry basket.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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