I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
