Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
