He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
