Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
