Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
