Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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