I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize