Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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