Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
