I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
