we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
