you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
