Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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