I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize