god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize