i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
