Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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