drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't notice because vodka
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
