I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He? As in you personified your dick?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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