You're completely useless in the revolution.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
