Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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