So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize