I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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