his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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