party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
