She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
