I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
