i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
