How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize