btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
