Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
