I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
