Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
