If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
