She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
