I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
