I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
