I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
