anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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