There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
