At least make sure they are 18
Why
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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