I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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