Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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