Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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