wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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