Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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