Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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