i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She told me I should be a condom model.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
