Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
