I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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