i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize