I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
