Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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