Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
