I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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