John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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