My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
