So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
