i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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