you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
