I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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