Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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