Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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