dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize