he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
