i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
