I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i think my cat just said my name.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
