it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize