Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
