??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
