So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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