Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
