i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize