I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
