you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to calm my uterus...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
