I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
