Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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